Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
