...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
