dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm both gender and math confused
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
