When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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