I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Soap is not a condiment
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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