Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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