I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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