I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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