At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
