my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
