Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
