i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
