Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
