sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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