and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
