the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
