You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
