I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
