I think i sorta joined a cult last night
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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