Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
