Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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