piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
