Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
