Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
