white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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