Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
