I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
