it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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