If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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