This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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