I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
