Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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