they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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