I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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