My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
