I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
