If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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