im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
