My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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