I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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