TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
