I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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