Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Mom said you looked used
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
