trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
