did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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