hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
