Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
