I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize