you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the liver wants what the liver wants
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
