he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
