You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
