Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize