and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
