Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
