She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
