Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
