YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
