So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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