You smell like a Billy Joel song
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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