Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
