I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize