She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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