so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
