you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
