I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
dude. I can hear the air.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
