i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
