NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
