What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
