I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
