I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
