It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
