His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
