you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently you make a good broom.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
