he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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